Ebook In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior
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In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior
Ebook In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior
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Review
"In the Shadows of the Net shines a hopeful light on the dark side of cyberspace. It is certain to become a valued resource in dealing with a new frontier of addictive disorders."--Kenneth M. Adams, PhD, clinical psychologist and author, Silently Seduced"Very powerful. In the Shadows of the Net comes at a time when the need is great for understanding and exploring cybersex treatment possibilities."--Ralph H. Earle, MDiv, PhD, president, Psychological Counseling Services, Ltd., and coauthor, Lonely All the Time"A valuable road map for understanding and healing cybersex addictions."--Wendy Maltz, MSW, author, The Sexual Healing Journey and coauthor, Private Thoughts
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About the Author
Patrick J. Carnes, PhD, is an internationally known authority and speaker on addiction and recovery issues. He has authored over twenty books including the bestselling titles Out of the Shadows: Understanding Addiction Recovery, Betrayal Bond, Don't Call It Love, The Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps and The Gentle Path through the Twelve Principles. Dr. Carnes' research provides the architecture for the "task model" of treating addictions that is used by thousands of therapists worldwide and many well-known treatment centers, residential facilities, and hospitals. He founded IITAP (International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals), which provides CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) training and certification as well as cutting-edge information for addiction professionals. Dr. Carnes currently serves as a Senior Fellow and Executive Director for the Gentle Path Program at The Meadows in Wickenburg, Arizona.For more information on his work and contributions: www.patrickcarnes.com. You can also find him on Facebook and Twitter: @drpatrickcarnes.
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Product details
Paperback: 264 pages
Publisher: Hazelden Publishing; 2 edition (August 10, 2007)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1592854788
ISBN-13: 978-1592854783
Product Dimensions:
6.1 x 0.6 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.3 out of 5 stars
65 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#314,747 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Prior to reading any of Carnes' books, it is absolutely imperative that wives read the book "Your Sexually Addicted Spouse" by Dr. Barbara Steffens, who, UNlike Carnes, actually DID the SCIENTIFIC research proving that betrayed wives are TRAUMA victims (Complex Betrayal Trauma/C-PTSD) of this addictive system inflicted upon her at no fault of her own, and are NOT coaddicts-codependents as Carnes teaches (and nor are they Intimacy Anorexics or Reactive Intimacy Anorexics as author Doug Weiss purports). Carnes DID do scientific research on sex addicts and that is why he has a strong understanding of sex addiction. But he has ZERO understanding of traumatized, betrayed wives and thus it is imperative that all that he writes in any his books about the wife needs to be completely ignored - believing what he (himself a recovering sex addict) wrote about wives only brings even more severe harm and trauma to the already abused wife - yes, sex addiction in married men IS that of domestic violence toward both their wives and their children. Always remember that sex addiction is PRIMARILY that of a "drug" addiction - addicted to generating one's own sex neurochemistry.
If you are looking for a book about pornography that is written from a psychologist’s point of view and is devoid of religious references, a good choice is In the Shadows of the Net. One of the things I like about this book is that it discusses “problematic online sexual behavior†(p. 25) instead of using words that can side track the reader like ‘addiction’ or ‘compulsion.’ They have a very useful self-administered survey to measure one’s degree of problematic sexual behavior, which can help a person determine the degree to which their pornography use is problematic. They discuss addiction and compulsion, but enter the topic from a less diagnostic point of view. It has a great balance between wisdom, advice, practical surveys and diagnostic tools. Though it isn’t heavy on academic references, scholars wrote the book in an intelligent way. If you are looking for a good secular book that can help you identify and find your way out of pornography, or you are looking to help others do so, this is the one I recommend.
There is controversy over where the line is between erotica and pornography. The word "pornography" is derived from two Greek words meaning "prostitute" and "writing." "Erotica" is derived from the Greek word "eros," meaning romantic and sexual love. There are gray areas, but generally pornography is considered to involve behavior that is degrading to one or more of the participants, behavior that most people would not engage in unless they were paid, coerced, or forced to do so.The difference between the person who occasionally enjoys erotica and the person who is addicted to pornography is like the difference between the moderate drinker and the alcoholic. Pornography addicts find themselves unable to moderate their use to the point where jobs and marriages are lost. While some sex therapists recommend the use of erotica to revive a couple's sex life, I have already encountered two people who got so addicted to pornography that they stopped having sex with their partners. In both cases the partners were reasonably attractive and receptive.Carnes explains that pornography addicts are trying to recapture the intoxication of young love. Just as the heroin addict develops a tolerance to the drug and keeps increasing the dosage chasing the euphoria of the initial experience, the pornography addict finds an escalating need of more and more time online to reach the same high.Carnes tells how to distinguish the recreational user of online porn from the compulsive user who finds it difficult, if not impossible, to control the use of the Internet for sexual activities. He estimates that there are about 20 million people in the latter category.I imagine that pornography has been around in some form since humans learned to draw pictures. Although some people had life-ruining pornography addictions before the advent of the Internet, the problem has exploded in recent years. "As one Stanford researcher....observed, there are now people struggling with sexual compulsivity who never would have been if not for the internet, " notes Carnes in the preface to the 2001 edition of his book Out of the Shadows, and 40 per cent of these new addicts are women.Besides providing an almost infinite source of sexual pictures and videos, the Internet makes possible real time virtual sex through the use of video chat. Users sometimes progress to actually meeting the people with whom they have been interacting online.Carnes is empathetic to those struggling with pornography and sex addiction and offers theories as to why some are so vulnerable to it. Carnes is the director of Gentle Path, the treatment center where Tiger Woods was recently treated. He explains what kinds of individual and group treatment he has found helpful, and talks about options for partners of these addicts.
A good book on handling cybersex and pornography problems on the Internet. It is fair in that it acknowledges the problems in having the Internet available so much, but also acknowledges that the Internet is so important in today's society that simply swearing off of it would be a rash move.Instead the book suggests the 12-step method of changing your behavior, finding a sponsor - non-family to talk to about your problem, changing your computer habits to limit your privacy online, and working on your in-person live relationships so you don't need to find emotional fulfillment on the Internet alone.The book was written in 2000, and revised in 2007, so some parts feel a little out of date in 2015 (the appendix still lists cassette tapes to listen to). However people are still the same, same problems, and the advice still rings valid.
It’s a bit dated with statistics but it gives a pretty overall understanding of what’s happening to our loved ones.
This book is scary in how it tracks the evolution of compulsive behavior and how insidious it is. I knew I had a problem when I began reading the book, and could identify with several of the examples given. If you are honest enough to believe you have a problem with sexual addiction, you need to get this book, study this book and work with a professional counselor. It does show you that there is hope.
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